Humiliation, Mary Jane, and a new Baby!

The line of communication between my source and me is officially open again. Here are a couple of tidbits:

• Turns out P-ronis showed up to work today at 6:45am. He was supposed to be there at 6:00am, but he slept in. He raced to work only to find out that he was 6 hours early. To add insult to injury, he forgot his badge and couldn’t get into the building. Frantically, he called Chris and continually asked, “What should I do? No one is here. What should I do?” Apparently this is all somehow Hollywood Tom’s fault. “He did this to me,” P-ronis said. “He never told me when I had to come to work.” A related story also indicates that Hollywood Tom also forgot to tell P-ronis when he had to wipe – more to come on that. A fund has been created to help collect donations for a giant sized clock that P-ronis can wear around his neck.
• Early sources also indicate that one P-nut is harvesting a littly wacky tabacky in California and selling it to pharmacies. When asked to comment on the situation, she indicated that this is indeed true. “I like heard that if you grow it and then trim a little off the top and sell it you can make a lot of money.” Experts are analyzing her response to determine if she misheard the question or if she is collaborating on a new song with Lady Gaga.
• Finally, the biggest news to hit the wire is a report indicating that a new nephew or niece is on the way. Speculations are swirling, but betting lines are placing 2-1 odds on the King himself, 4-1 odds on Mustachio, and 6-1 odds on none other than the Goat. Asked whether or not this rumor could apply to him, the Goat responded, “No waaaaaaay!”