Bday Present Ideas For One Big Creep

Did you know that Cactus J Creeptastic's bday is on November 6th? The greedy pig has asked me to publish a list of gifts he is hoping for. Please respond in the comment section with the gift you plan on purchasing so we don't get the same things. Here they are in no particular order:

• Ladder
• Binoculars
• Flashlight
• Black ski mask
• Camouflage backpack
• Phone Tap
  
• Night vision goggles
  
• Digital recording camera with 10000x optical zoom
• Bionic ear (hearing device that enhances sound)
• Rogaine
• Levitra
• 50% off coupon for laser hair removal
• Life supply of teeth whitening cream
• 6 tanning sessions (no fake rub-on tan cream please)
• Oakley sunglasses
  

I am happy to take other recommendations too.

This Just In: 2 Wild and Crazy Guys

Sources close to home have recently informed me that two young gents in NJ have recently been staying out very late with love interests. One of the young men was reportedly out until 5am while the other didn't come home until the next night. I don't want to reveal names, but I will say that there were several chewed up cans in the area and a bottle that said, "Shrink your head to normal size in 5 minutes."

International Love

This just in (well, a month ago): Jubadiah Le Head has been in correspondence with a South American bambina. True love is great - unless it's gonna cost you $5 a call and 25 cents a text. So far this lover of the Lolitas has racked up over $300 in charges. This of course has infruriated Red Beard.

"I was planning on having him walk the plank, but what's the point? His head will keep him afloat anyway," the pirate said.

The good news is that he is in the middle of his first semester of Spanish. I believe the following video will help him as he tries to sweep this maraca playing beauty off her feet.