Extra Long Receipts

The other day Lord Baldemort and I went to Blockbuster since Redbox didn't have any good movies. I paid and walked away with one movie and 3 receipts. For some reason each receipt was extra huge too. I looked at the receipts and honestly couldn't tell why I needed 3. I then went to the local grocery store and bought about 10 items. The cashier handed me the receipt and it was nearly 2 feet long. Why? I couldn't believe it. Do I really need that much paper to tell me what I bought? It's not like the coupons were on the receipt; those came separately. I tried to think of reasons why stores are giving out so many receipts and why they are so long.

1. Perhaps they are worried that you might get stuck on the side of the road without toilet paper. I think some wrinkled paper receipts could be handy in a situation like that. I'll do a test to find out if the receipt is shorter when I buy toilet paper.
2. Stores could also be worried that your car might skid out of control and leave you dangling on the side of the mountain. These receipts could be fashioned into some type of rope so you can repel to safety.
3. An unlikely, yet plausible reason could be that companies know you might want to construct a noose. If you are like me and you save your receipts to be reconciled later, you will probably go crazy as the receipts get longer and fill your wallet/purse.
   

Why else are these receipts so long? Why do we need 3 copies?

Car Horns

One time I was walking to work and someone honked the horn. I looked around and thought maybe it was for me. I didn't see anyone staring at me so I kept walking. As I crossed the street I heard it again. I looked around and around but didn't see anyone looking at me. A second later I heard, "Hey Chris." Now I knew it was for me so I looked and looked. I noticed another guy nearby waving to a lady in a car. I felt like a jerk.

I vowed then to never acknowledge a car horn. What's the point? So I see some guy who used to live near me waving hello. Am I going to get his number and call later? Are we going to chat in the middle of the road? No. So who cares. Either I haven't see the person in a while and don't care, or the person works with me and we will see each other in a few minutes. I just put my head down and march forward as if I heard nothing.

I guess there is one situation in which I am willing to react to a car horn, and that is when I am driving. This usually results in me slamming on my brakes because I need to help the person behind me learn that honking the horn at people is confusing.

12 Days of Christmas

Lou asked what everyone wants for Christmas. I already know, but won't come right out and tell you. Guess you have to figure it out. I put the answers to the 12 Days of Christmas song:

• 12 cans for biting
• 11 t-shirts with oversized collars
• 10 tanning sessions
• 9 bullet proof vests
• 8 selfish pigs
• 7 Beatles records
• 6 bags of candy
• 5 hair removal sessions!!!!!!!!!
• 4 cats to squeeze to death
• 3 bridges to sleep under
• 2 packs of mustache remover
• And a mad scientist kit to create an atomic bomb strong enough to send cosmic dust to the outer edges off the universe so the dictionary can be read in peace!