Triangle of Trust and Truth Back in Action

A few weeks ago, we were able to unite to create the Triangle of Trust and Truth. It wasn't really a triangle, but it was close. We then engaged in Hot Tub Confessionals. Good times were had by all, but the information that was shared was somewhat weak. Let's make up for it next time when we unite to pass gossip back and forth. I'm already cooking up something in the kitchen.

Free Tacos!

If you are cheap and love tacos, you can go to Taco Bell to receive a free taco on October 30 from 2-5pm. Click here for details.

Transformers Prank Call

Someone I used to work with prank called me today. It was kind of funny, so I thought I would reference the site since I am vehemently opposed to forwarding stupid emails. I just used the prank on Nancy, and she laughed since it poked fun at her obsession with blogging. Anyway, here it is: http://optimus.transformersmovie.com/

Looking Good in Pleather

Yesterday Cactimus Primate called and told me he was thinking about getting a leather jacket (pleather actually). I thought, "Is it still the 80s?" Just then, I arrived at the airport to pick up my dad who is sporting a mustache. I then thought, "I guess it is still the 80s."

I should have convinced the primate to purchase the jacket because it would have provided entertainment every time we saw him in it, but I couldn't stop laughing at him when he told me.

Here is a photo of a mustache and some leather combined

What a creep!

McCreepy

Patrick Dempsey might go by McDreamy, but I recently found a couple of pictures that give He Who Must Not Be Shaved a new name: McCreepy!

You can see McCreepy here scarfing down a chicken leg. Notice the scared kids. You might also take note of that hairy body!

Here, McCreepy is saving a little girl. Notice the fully matted body suit of hair. What a creep!

Other photos of McCreepy have also been taken. Click here to see how close he resembles George "The Animal" Steel. Post your own photos of McCreepy, so unsuspecting people everywhere can be prepared.

Blogging Obesessions Could Pay Off

I should probably mention that my other blog, www.wifeadvice.com has been nominated as a finalist in a blog competition. You can vote for me by clicking the "Vote For Me" icon on the top right of the blog. That blog hasn't even been up for a week, so I guess there is potential. At the very least, you helped make The Donkey a household name.

As for this blog, you must be hard core if you are still reading.

Veganism: The End Of An Era

Is that a beautiful site or what? We had some family members (Cheesesteak and kids, Mustachio and McRyan, and Don Prickles) come over for a brunch between conference sessions, and boy did we eat! Milk, bacon, eggs, cream cheese frosted cinnamon rolls--all of the essentials for breaking a vegan lifestyle. It was the greatest breakfast ever. It's like I fell in love again with animal products. I think I know what a bride might feel like when renewing her vows.

My cousin (Shia) and her husband (Max the mustacheless) had us over for a truly vegan dinner, and I must admit that it was a delicious meal. I am still full too.

Here is what she made. Yams, collard greens, and coconut rice were yummy side dishes, with some "meat" with a jerk seasoning. Actually, I didn't like the greens, but the other stuff was excellent. It tasted really good. Shia explains more about it here.This was dessert: a delicious chocolate cake with soy ice cream. Incredibly, these were also very good.

Vegan Summary
Overall, this experiment proved a few things. First, being a vegetarian is the way to go if you want to pretend to care about animals, health, or any of this other craziness. Being a vegetarian was a joke, and I really didn't notice a lot of difference. Second, being a vegan is tough. I didn't really give it a fair shot since I survived mainly on liquids and fruits (I was too busy to actually prepare a meal like the one above). It takes time, commitment, and the will power to avoid chocolate milk and steak. Finally, despite this great meal, I am still more likely to torture a dog as a vegan than as a heathen meat eater. Call me crazy, but I think a little meat in the system keeps me sane.
Final likelihood of torturing a dog: 20% (I dropped the likelihood a lot because I realized there is more to being a vegan than squeaky tofu.)

Vegan Week: Day 6

I fell off the wagon and succumbed to a piece of fried chicken yesterday. I feel like I should be attending MA (meatlovers anonymous). After the fried chicken fiasco, I decided to bag the day. The weird thing was that I didn't get hungry for hours. In fact, I was full until about 8pm. I forgot what it was like to have my hunger satisfied. It was a stark contrast from the last few days of my vegan experience. To be fair, I was living on oatmeal, Gatorade, and fruit, so I guess I didn't give myself the chance to be full. The experiment is over, but I want to go to Eli-Shia-beth's house for a vegan dinner tonight before I summarize my experience as a vegetarian and vegan.

Likelihood of torturing a dog: 33% (I feel bad that I couldn't resist the chicken and blame this on my veganism.)

Vegan Week: Day 5

Today wasn't too bad. I forgot to eat breakfast, but I guess you might not notice that when you are a vegan. I came home and had some oreos and rice milk. Then I made it until we went to Iggy's and had a little something there. The game was so annoying that I lost my appetite for the rest of the night. (I guess I should admit that I had about 4 sodas and tons of water.)

Likelihood of torturing a dog: 30% (Things could have been worse, but overall it was a good vegan day.)

Gnats: The new Ohio state bird

In 1848, seagulls swarmed into the state to eat up crickets that were threatening to force a famine in Utah. It was a miracle: the crickets were eaten, the famine avoided, and the seagull became an instant hero and eventually becomes the state bird.

Fast forward 159 years to Iggy's, our favorite sports bar to watch Yankees games. Yankees are winning 1-0. Jabba is pitching, and dominating as usual. In fact, his era is 0.38, and he just got Pettite out of a jam the previous inning, getting 2 outs on just 4 pitches. Suddenly, a swarm of gnats take the field. Jabba is covered by gnats. He walks a batter, something virtually unheard of. He can't concentrate. The next guy bunts, and the runner goes to second. Then, a wild pitch. GNATS ATTACK! He can't focus and throws another wild pitch and the runner scores. Then, he hits the next guy and I thinked walked another batter. What a disaster! The gnats were all over his neck and face, it made it difficult for us to eat.

The Yanks end up losing in the 11th, and now face elimination. Could this have been a modern day miracle? Did gnats come to save the Cleveland Indians? I hope not, because it will be a sad day if Ohio adopts these pesky critters as the state bird.

Vegan Week: Day 4

Today I was invited to yet another free lunch, and for the second straight day I had to completely alter my meal preference. This is no joke--I actually had to order a sandwich called "Good Things Growing!" Never in my life have I ordered something this crazy at a restaurant. It had cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, onion, 2 inches of sprouts, and a few other random veggies from the garden. I had to order it without cheese of course.

While I was eating it, all I could think about was how sad and terrible a rabbit's life would be. Just rummaging through a farmer's garden...looking for something to eat...looking for "good things growing." It was a nightmare. I ended up inhaling a freaking sprout and it got lodged halfway down my throat. I coughed and coughed and my eyes began to water, but that stupid thing wouldn't move. I finally dislodged the sprout and choked the rest of the sandwich down. Of course for dinner I enjoyed an apple and a Gatorade since I didn't have time to prepare a vegan meal. I got home and ate a box of Cracker Jacks and had some Postum. I'm still hungry and waiting for a huge meat feast in the near future. I am very tempted to bring back "Meat Week" which was a fairly successful undertaking a few years ago.

Likelihood of torturing a dog: 35% (Things are going in the wrong direction! I didn't know what to expect at the beginning of this experiment, but I think I now know where they are headed.)

Wife Advice has moved...

We have a new site dedicated to MARRIAGE! You can visit the new site at www.wifeadvice.com Head over there to keep up on my wife advice (now called Lesson Learned). I will also continue to answer questions, and Nan will throw in her advice too. You can also find quick marriage tips and vote on our debates (remember when Nan was deemed to be a farmer?).

Vegan Week: Day 3

I was ree pissed today because our manager brought us out for Thai food and I had to pick all the chicken off and give it away. That probably isn't the correct vegan thing to do, but I don't care anymore. I ended up eating a bowl of cereal with soy milk for dinner and am starving right now. I'm just going to bed so I don't have to suffer anymore.

Likelihood of torturing a dog: 30% (Things are going the wrong way right now. I might eat a dog soon if I continue to be perpetually hungry. Maybe I will try to make a vegan dish tomorrow.)

Vegan Week: Day 2

My cousin finally emailed me a few vegan recipes and a link to a site with vegan dishes at lots of restaurants. I didn't have time to shop for the ingredients, so I had to settle for oatmeal for breakfast and a sandwich, fruit, and veggies for lunch. I was so hungry, but managed to make it to a potato for dinner. Yummy. I had some Oreos (vegan friendly) and soy milk. I went out for a couple of hours and came back hungry. I then had a couple packets of oatmeal and a lot of water. I am now going to bed hungrier than ever. How can people do this?

Likelihood of torturing a dog: 28% (I was deprived of some soup, real dinner, and a donut today. I am going to go crazy in less than a week! Not on a dog, but on some steak.)

The Donkey has a dot.com

As you can see in the address bar, the address of this blog is now www.douglasjlampwick.com

Don't forget to update your bookmarks and links!

Vegan Week: Day 1

I can already tell this is going to be a total nightmare. We had some friends from our mission visit from London. They wanted Mexican food, so we went to Cafe Rio. I totally forgot that I would be completely limited. Then, our friends produced some delicious English chocolate, but alas, I was unable to partake. The final straw was when I prepared an Italian soda for our guests and myself. I was just about to drink an Irish Cream when I remembered that I couldn't have it because of the half and half. I settled for some chocolate soy milk and left without eating dinner. (I can't eat dinner since my cousin who forced me into this still hasn't sent me any vegan recipes. Looks like Cracker Jacks tonight--they are on the vegan list.)

Likelihood of torturing a dog: 25% (It is completely unacceptable that I have to be paranoid about what I can and can't eat.)


My vegan cousin is on the left and her doppleganger Shia LaBeouf is on the right.