iPod shuffle is finally mine

After 3 months of starving, exercise, and dieting, I finally found out that I won an iPod Shuffle after losing 23 pounds. One of the directors at work challenged our entire department to a weight loss competition. He would give an iPod Shuffle to anyone who could lose more body weight (in terms of percentage) than him. I lost a little more than 15% of my body weight during the 3 months. He lost a little more than 13%. A total of 8 people beat him, with one guy losing 62 pounds. There were about 110 people who signed up for the competition.

The Shuffle is only about $70, so I decided that it probably wasn’t worth it, but I am at a good weight to begin building muscle. I got down to 127 pounds, but have already put 5 back on in one day. My target weight is 140 pounds.

Hot Tub Confessionals

For those who aren't aware, hot tub confessionals involves at least 3 family members gathering together in a hot tub, interlocking big toes forming a triangle of trust and truth, and sharing secret information about other family members, friends, and acquaintances.

Don't be worried if you think your secrets will be splattered all over this, or any other site. There are a few ground rules:

1. Secrets disclosed in the hot tub must stay in the hot tub
2. Secrets can only be shared outside of the hot tub if at least 2 members--who were in the hot tub when the secret was told--are present when the secret is to be retold and if they both agree that the secret can be shared
3. Toes must be interlocked while secrets are revealed. This maintains the strength of the triangle
4. Secret tellers are encouraged to share all information except past or current transgressions
5. The triangle of trust and truth can be formed in any tub with jets
   
6. (NEW) Members must recite the Pledge of Trust and Truth before participating
   

The latest triangle was formed by Don Prickles, Lampwick, and that googley-eyed freak Googley.

If you have any suggestions regarding the rules, feel free to add comments. The triangle is not a means to reveal gossip. Rather, it is an avenue to share truths and promote openness.

In the Navy!

What do a donkey and rabbit have in common? Both are investigating the Navy. It sounds crazy, but it could be a great experience. The family has always wanted to officially recognize a couple of sailors.

When asked why he wants to join the navy, General Cactus said, "I've always wanted to be the support strap holding the country together. Swabbing decks, hoisting the main sails, and greasing the cannons--what's not to like? TIN HUT!"

General Lampwick added, "I just want to support the country. You know? Defend the end or until the end. However that goes. As long as I don't have to do any manual labor, join active duty, or have to go to war, count me in."

Don Prickles to be de-prickled

Don Prickles (AKA Cactus Jack, Lord Baldemort) has gone through his first round of de-prickling. At only 3 Gs, this seems like a great solution. He will undergo 4 additional rounds of treatment over the next year. Prickles, a 25-year-old bald creep, maintains that it has been a rough 6 years.

"Ever since I turned 19 when my chest hair officially wrapped around my ribs and over my shoulders, I knew I was in trouble," Prickles said. "It's nature's cruel joke. My body produces too much testosterone which makes me lose the hair on my head, but grow hair everywhere else. I just can't take it anymore," Prickles said, choking back tears.

Elder Homer J Simpson (AKA Poppy J, Elder Sydney) only had this to say on the matter: "I can't believe that cactus is willing to spend 3 Gs to become a human. I guess he doesn't want to be known as the missing link anymore."

Other friends and family members who have known Mr. Prickles had similar sentiments.

"I know how he feels," said fellow hair-ridden brother Bushwacker Bob. "If I could get 3 Gs, I would probably do the same thing. People don't know what it is like growing body protection at such an alarming rate."

On a side note, Bushwacker Bob would have 3 Gs saved up to de-fur himself if he would stop spending all of his money on subs, Pokemon collectibles, and 1-900 calling cards.

The donkey is back!

I am excited to finally be able to report on the events in my life. I promise to maintain a noble, truthful report. If you believe that the accounts in here are inaccurate, by all means give us the story by posting a comment.