Don Prickles to be de-prickled

Don Prickles (AKA Cactus Jack, Lord Baldemort) has gone through his first round of de-prickling. At only 3 Gs, this seems like a great solution. He will undergo 4 additional rounds of treatment over the next year. Prickles, a 25-year-old bald creep, maintains that it has been a rough 6 years.

"Ever since I turned 19 when my chest hair officially wrapped around my ribs and over my shoulders, I knew I was in trouble," Prickles said. "It's nature's cruel joke. My body produces too much testosterone which makes me lose the hair on my head, but grow hair everywhere else. I just can't take it anymore," Prickles said, choking back tears.

Elder Homer J Simpson (AKA Poppy J, Elder Sydney) only had this to say on the matter: "I can't believe that cactus is willing to spend 3 Gs to become a human. I guess he doesn't want to be known as the missing link anymore."

Other friends and family members who have known Mr. Prickles had similar sentiments.

"I know how he feels," said fellow hair-ridden brother Bushwacker Bob. "If I could get 3 Gs, I would probably do the same thing. People don't know what it is like growing body protection at such an alarming rate."

On a side note, Bushwacker Bob would have 3 Gs saved up to de-fur himself if he would stop spending all of his money on subs, Pokemon collectibles, and 1-900 calling cards.